Young man worried about erectile dysfunction
Dear Bella: I am a 23 year old male. I am unable to get it up in recent times. I am afraid to go to the doctor; in Tola nothing is confidential. My girlfriend has no problem with it. We do fall out because I try to make her feel guilty.
But she tries to tell me its ok I will get over it and I should see a doctor. But why me? All these years I used to be good. What should I do? My self esteem is dead now and I fear my girl is cheating. Do you think she will cheat? Why does she not have a problem? Help!
Dear Sir: Well first of all you have to stop with the insecurity complex, pause for a bit and listen to what your girl is saying. She’s right, and she seems like a good girlfriend from what you’ve said – she has done the mature and loving thing and has told you not to worry and advised you to see a doctor.
This is the most sage advice she can give you, and I’d advise you to see someone, just to rule out any underlying problem. If you’re not comfortable in Tortola, there’s always the nearby islands where medical care is available.
I understand somewhat what you are feeling, indeed I know the importance that men place on their prowess in the bedroom and I can imagine how frustrating you must feel. This is compounded by the fact that you’re 23, and should be in the most virile years of your life.
But you’re unable to maintain an erection. There are several reasons why this may happen, not least of which include the issue of performance anxiety. See, this is where a man (and in our society with all the music and TV it’s especially prevalent), feels so pressured to give a good performance that his anxiety prevents him from actually performing. It’s like a panic attack that makes you incapable of any action.
In your case, I’m inclined to think that this may partly be your problem – you seem especially concerned about your girlfriend’s reaction to your problem; whether she’s cheating because you’re unable to perform and about whether she will cheat. All this stress can contribute to you doing just the opposite of what you want to do, and being unable to perform.
Other causes of this problem can include fatigue, stress, or the man not being attracted to his partner.
The prevalence of these problems get more common as men age, but failure to perform can affect men at any age. The irony here is that anxiety – fear, worry – about losing an erection actually stimulates a man’s level of nervous system activity so that he is actually somewhat more likely to lose it!
So, in the short term, try thinking about what may have changed in your life recently that’s causing you to be stressed or anxious. Have you started a new job? Are you worried about the future? Have you been having second thoughts about your relationship, some lifestyle choice or something else? Are you eating properly? Are you responding too much to the pressure to be a stud? Do you fear what your girlfriend thinks about you in bed?
Anything, even things remotely stressful can contribute to problems in the bedroom.
For the medium term, again, I advise of the importance of seeing your doctor to rule out any problems. For example some medications, some diseases and their factors may impact your ability to perform.
SO quit worrying and go get checked. Obviously your girlfriend doesn’t have a problem, but she has given you some great advice that you should follow. She will only cheat if you continue with the insecurity and drive her away!
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